Hello, world! So I’m quite intrigued at how my attitude and commitment have changed since I finally got my A into G and focused my efforts fully on this blog. Fingers flying, ideas flowing – I’m even tripping myself up with how many post ideas hit me in a day! I guess it was all about the decision to succeed – which has pretty much been the tone of this year so far. A pretty damn good path to choose, right?
If I look back on my life, I can remember exactly when I had to make my first ‘major’ decision. I was in Grade 7 and I had just started my riding career, which was obviously all-encompassing. But my grades were starting to fail, so I was suspended from riding by my parents and given the choice: either you bring the grades up or you forfeit riding. Naturally I chose to save my r
iding- I mean, my grades. But from then, the decisions started to grow in importance, and strangely enough, they were focused on horses. The high school I went to was chosen based on the fact that it was a boarding school, it was co-ed, and heyo, it had facilities for riding. When my horse came into my life, where I would study after school was weighed up according to where he could go. How much money we would part with in the month was influenced by what my horse needed and where he was (stabling costs, transport to get there etc). And probably the most influential; my first part-time job was taken in order to avoid having to sell him. At the time it was a good decision – I keep my horse, I work in an industry based on horses, I get work experience, and I earn some money. But again, my studies took a regrettable back seat. Now since then, the tune has changed a bit. My choices have moved from being influenced by my riding career to, in a sense, being bound by my riding career. And now at this point in my life, while I’m proud that I worked hard to keep at what I love, with 2018 came when some introspection led to the question: where are my decisions taking me in the grand scheme of things? The answer? Not where I need to be. So I chose to study big time toward an industry that I enjoy, which meant that the job with horses needed to fall away, which means – wait for it – it’s time for me to part with my horse. This is probably the biggest, hardest decision I’ve ever had to make, but I feel that as an adult trying to make it independently, I need to put my needs before my wants. Big girl pants, and all.
What I’ve learned through all this, though, is actually what I learned when I was studying psychology, or social work, more accurately. A decision means nothing if it doesn’t come from you. I’ve faced many times where I’ve had people advise me on which path to take, and where I’ve kind of avoided the responsibility of making the decision myself. If I did take their advice, I’d often find myself second guessing the direction I was now heading. If I didn’t, I’d find myself feeling lost and a bit resentful of where I was (or wasn’t heading). But in the many decisions I’ve made this year, I’ve found a sense of peace and understanding because they came from my own experience. Am I getting all guru here? Basically, I own the decisions, therefore they sit well with me. Much more concise.
SO. How often do we feel like we made the wrong choice? Was it ours to begin with? We forget that we are the experts in our own lives and wellbeing, so we sometimes hand over to someone who we think knows better. But how can they know us better than we know ourselves? In the end, it’s best for our journeys to give authority back to ourselves, make mistakes, learn from them, and sleep at night knowing that we are the authors of our own days.
How’s that for empowerment?
Baci a tutti x
P.S: I feel like my decision to start drinking coffee more regularly also influenced my spike in maturity.
P.P.S: Red Bull was also involved.